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Rupert Sheldrake is a scientist who studies the nature of consciousness and rejects materialistic dogmas that still form the basis of a lot scientific research. He is saying that what we believe is “out there” is actually just a projection of what is inside of our mind, which is not housed in our brain but rather in what he calls a morphic field. (www.sheldrake.org).
I remember when I first started studying Kabbalah in 2006, I read about this ideas that in order to shift something externally you had to completely shift the thoughts and feelings that were projecting it into your life. You had to achieve what Kabbalist Rav Berg was calling “an alteration of consciousness.” Fundamental to this shift of consciousness was the acceptance of our Oneness with the Light of the Creator, an awareness of this Infinite Intelligence present in every single moment of our lives. The tools presented in the book included the 72 names of God, among others. You were able to meditate on certain combinations of the Hebrew letters to activate the change.
These days, this is something we understand much better in terms of overwriting our subconscious and all of the ways that we are tackling our childhood programming. At the time, it was revolutionary, and my whole being was very ripe to hear it. I was in a place where I wanted to completely alter the way I related to life.
Having gone through some addictions and general life issues as a teenager, I had already suffered a major life overhaul and had found myself on the other end of it, alive and thriving. Through my difficulties I had already a decent amount of self-awareness, and I was ready to take it to the next level.
Where was I to start?
As they say, you always start where you are. At the time, I happened to with my boyfriend in England. The semester had ended and I was not ready to go back to the US. Being there, outside of my home country, had catalyzed a powerful evolution in my consciousness. I was not ready to leave. I would say I was pretty much in love. It was a magical connection for me because it awakened a part of my soul that I was not able to access before.
It was the end of the semester, and I did not want to go back on the flight that I had booked. I felt I must stay longer. Whether it would work or out not in the long run, it felt very necessary and important for me to stay, even if it seemed illogical at the time. Since I was still a student, I needed to change the ticket with no extra cost.
I remember being on the phone with the airline company, and inside I noticed that I was expecting a no. I realized that it wasn’t just in this instance-in general, body and mind were hardwired with negative expectation. Sure enough, she said I would not be able to make the change without incurring a huge cost. I got off the phone, curious and determined not to give up. If all of this was real. If we really create our reality from OUR OWN INNER STATE, then I should be able to alter my inner state and get a different result. I got off the phone to do some “work.”
I mediated on the fact that this INFINITE LIFE FORCE ENERGY is all around and inside of us in every moment. I built up the certainty that it was indeed PRESENT, ALL GOOD, ALL LOVING and FOR ME. This required a lot of inner effort. I had a lot of belief systems from growing up in a different churches that I was somehow bad or flawed and that the Divine was there to punish me rather than support.
I began to work with the 72 names of God to bring myself into a place where I believed that anything was possible and that the perceived limitations around the ticket were just that–perceived. They weren’t real or set in stone. A lot of our issues in life, I realize now, come from our programmed beliefs about how things are or should be. These programs are often very far from the truth, and yet if they were instilled in us as children, they feel so “right” that questioning them feels “wrong.” Just last night I was talking to my brother who is a psychotherapist. He was mentioning that he is working with a process with his patients in which the individual learns to recognize the internal “rules” of their parent that they are still operating under, and rewrite them. It is a form of reparenting the self.
I noticed that I had to shift this feeling that me wanting and desiring something was bad or shameful. That was the dominant energy in the particles of my body. I closed my eyes and envisioned the particles in my head and heart overrun with negative expectation. I imagined them filling with light and possibility.
After I strengthened myself, I got back on the phone. Again it was a back and forth. This time I felt that my desire was too forward. I had not yet totally let go of the outcome. I was in a vibration of possibility, but I was still attached to it turning out the way I wanted. I dawned on me that I would need to come to a place that was so full of certainty in this Energy and in possibility and wholeness that it wouldn’t matter to me whether I stayed or left.
A little later, I remember we went out for me to get a proper coffee. At the time, by the way, takeaway coffee was not very common in England, so it was like this thing to go and get it, especially as we were outside of the city. We walked through this little village, and I was enjoying the scenery and the fresh air. As I was sipping hot, satisfying liquid outside in the back of the cafe, I got the thought to try just one more time. The particles of my being were full of light and yet I was not attached to the outcome. I knew now that whether it happened or not, I would be ok.
Sure enough, the guy on the phone switched the ticket for free.
